Women in fairy stories don't need to search for their
handsome prince. He will just turn up at their door no
effort required. In reality any woman wanting to meet her
ideal man needs to get out and socialise
That's obvious you may be thinking. However just
socialising in itself won't necessarily produce potential
partners. Success in meeting potential partners depends on
how we socialise. It's important to socialise in the right
places.
Socialising in the wrong places in this context could mean
spending most of your free time in all female environments
such as at the bingo hall or all-female exercise class.
Of course you want to go on seeing your girlfriends but
it's important to socialise in environments were you will
meet males if you are serious about finding your ideal man.
For example you might go for an evening at a dog track or
casino instead of bingo.
Or suggest that you and your girlfriends go to car
maintenance class as well as yoga. Fishing in the wrong
pond can occur in less obvious ways than those described
above. Here is a story about one of my one to one clients,
which illustrates the point.
A young woman we will call Carol came see me seeking
increased self-confidence. It soon became apparent that she
was unhappy about not having a boyfriend. She didn't have a
boyfriend although most of her friends did. She wanted a
permanent relationship but never seemed to meet any new men.
It became clear that Carol was fishing in the wrong pond
when I asked how she had met her previous boyfriends. Carol
was in her late twenties and had been part of the same
group of four female friends since she was at school.
They had always socialised together. Over the years the
other three women had met their life partners. They were
now in live in relationships which left carol as the only
single in the group. When asked how she had met boyfriends
in the past she said that it was as a result of single
males joining her social group.
I asked how she hoped to meet boyfriends in the future. She
replied, "Wait until new single males join the group". This
strategy was not only passive putting her at the mercy of
chance it was also totally impractical.
I pointed this out by asking how other members of her
social group responded when single males attempted to join
them. Her answer was predictable. The males in the group
discouraged them. Carol had used her social group for years
as a means of meeting new men but it was now no longer
viable fort his purpose.
It was now a group of couples with her as the only single.
The males in the group viewed men from the outside
approaching it as competition for their partners. Hardly
surprising then that they were not made welcome.
Additionally the group spent more and more time in each
other's homes. Evenings watching a video and sharing a take
away suited their lifestyle. Such evenings were of no
benefit to Carol in her search for a life partner.
It was agreed that without abandoning her old friends Carol
would find new single friends with whom to socialise. Which
she did greatly increasing her chances of meeting her ideal
man.
So what is the right pond you may be asking? For most women
it's any place where they can meet men who are available to
become their future life partner. This surprise, surprise
could be a work related training course'your local park or
supermarket. In fact any place that contains people.
A common mistake most women searching for a partner make is
to be on the outlook for him only whilst socialising.
Psychologists speak of a technique called random and
specific search. It can be used in many situations and
works well when applied to dating.
Males go to evening classes, do their grocery shopping,
take the dog for a walk, attend work related
courses/conferences, he may even go to a unisex
hairdresser. In short males do pretty much all the things
that we do giving us lots of opportunities to meet them.
Of course I am not suggesting that you give your home
number to every pleasant man you exchange a few words at
the park or Railway Station. The thing is to keep your eyes
open and see the great men that are all around you.
By only attempting to find a partner whilst socialising you
have been limiting your chances by at least 90%.Now you
know that there are great men everywhere you can start to
meet and interact with them.
Situations in which you will have an opportunity for
ongoing meetings such as educational classes, hobby or
interest groups are particularly useful as you will have a
chance to get to know this man over time and see how he
behaves in a number of different scenarios.
Women who have little time to socialise due to long working
hours or family responsibilities find the random and
specific search technique particularly useful. Do try it
whatever your circumstances it will definitely lead to you
enjoying an increased number of dates giving you a greater
choice when it comes to you finding a life partner.
----------------------------------------------------
Eileen went from disaster to success in her relationships
by using the insights of psychology. Now qualified as a
psychologist she is passionate about helping other women to
do the same. You can claim her six step "love Magnet"
ecourse at just £77 before 7th May 2009. Your ecourse
comes with money back gaurantee. Email
eileen@eileenedawrds.co.uk website
http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk
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