"I'm going to file for divorce," she exclaimed, as though
this was going to put an end to an abusive relationship.
Ultimately, it may very well have this effect. But, a
chapter of battling the bully and dueling with a deceptive
beast waits in her most immediate future.
The Promises of Divorce Attorneys
She notes that she found an attorney who says that he'll
get her alimony and get her husband out of the house, now.
However, the husband is unemployed and there are no grounds
for removing him from the marital residence.
While it is true that he isn't affectionate or appreciative
of his wife, there are no charges of domestic violence,
much less any reported domestic abuse. He does have a
tendency to be emotionally abusive toward his wife, but the
laws concerning spousal emotional abuse are vague at best.
So how does counsel plan to get him out of the house?
Now it gets even more interesting. The woman actually
believes that the $5000 retainer, which she is planning to
give counsel, will be given back to her.
The Impact of False Promises
I'd venture to say that this woman has found a master
salesman who has manipulated her with promises and aided in
fueling her need to feel herself empowered relative to her
husband. Finally, she gets to call the shots and her
partner "will" be the underdog.
She exudes empowerment and it looks to be feeding her
well-being and willingness to join forces with this
attorney on a ride of legal domestic abuse.
Realities of Domestic Abuse Divorce
Once her partner is served with divorce papers, what do you
think he will do? Do you think he will say, "You want me
out of the house and how much money do you need in my
absence?" I doubt it.
Most likely, he will seek counsel and fortify himself with
legal representation. Now it is also likely that his
counsel will encourage him not to willfully abandon the
marital residence. So, the race will be on to see which
partner can push the other one out.
There is another little important piece that I trust you
have probably assumed. The husband controls the family
money. So once his legal retainer runs out, he can dip into
the family purse to pay his counsel.
But his economically un-empowered soon-to-be ex cannot. How
do you imagine this will impact the proceedings? As in most
legal matters, he who pays—or controls payment—
puts their case before the court.
In the Spirit of Helping You
I do realize this little vignette paints an ugly picture
around how divorce law is frequently practiced. The
intention, however, is to help you wake up before your
first bout with legal domestic abuse, so you can best
prepare yourself for a fair and equitable divorce
settlement and safe departure from your partner.
If you do your homework ahead of time and keep your eyes
open during your proceedings, you will be much more likely
to position yourself for a successful outcome in your
divorce.
----------------------------------------------------
For more information about legal abuse and divorce, visit:
http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/legal_domestic_ab
use.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor
Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
helps domestic abuse survivors block legal-psychiatric
abuse in divorce and custody cases nationwide. Copyright
2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
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