It's no secret that we see what we project. And when it
comes to abuse, doing so can have repercussions for all of
us.
Prior abuse in one's childhood can set the stage for
misinterpretations of our adult partner's actions,
intentions, feelings and relationship to us.
Now this doesn't mean that when one comes from some type of
childhood abuse that perceived intimate partner abuse, or
even "controlling" behavior, isn't real. As we also know
there is a greater likelihood of prior childhood abuse
(whether emotional, verbal, physical or sexual) for
individuals in adult abusive relationships.
Properly Identifying "Intimate Partner Violence"
What it does mean is that when abuse is felt, one ought to
ask themselves:
1) What do I see in my relationship?
2) What do I feel in my relationship?
3) How has this relationship impacted my thoughts,
feelings, and behavior relative to myself?
4) How has this relationship impacted my thoughts,
feelings, and behavior relative to my partner?
5) How do other people see my partner in general?
6) And, how do they see my partner in relation to me?
The wealth of information that comes forth in such an
inquiry can help one parse out "intimate partner violence"
from the backdrop of their individual personal history.
It will also help the abused recognize the constellation of
symptoms that define intimate partner abuse. And this will
arm them with insight on how to recognize the "red flags"
of abusive relationships. With this knowledge, one can stop
guessing and instantly begin to properly manage and treat
their current circumstances.
Impact of Improperly Assuming "Intimate Partner Violence"
As far as the repercussions of inaccurately defining
abuse...brace yourself for the enormous impact on all of
us: oneself, one's partner, and the public in general.
For oneself: Improperly defining a condition prevents one
from seeing what they are actually dealing with and
consequently prevents remedy.
For one's partner: Improperly accusing one of being a
batterer falsely labels another person socially and/or
psychologically.
For society at large: Making accusations of abuse or
allegations of abuse, especially in the break-up phase of a
relationship, casts doubt in the public when domestic abuse
victims do bring forth the courage to reach out. And when
there is doubt, legitimate help may not be forth coming.
Domestic abuse is not a subject to take lightly, nor is it
a condition to self-diagnose. Rather it is a real
relationship dysfunction that requires objective and
accurate identification.
----------------------------------------------------
If you suspect that you are in an abusive relationship, but
you aren't sure if your experience fulfills the criteria
for intimate partner abuse, you may want to check out the
Intimate Partner Abuse Screen.
http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com . Dr. Jeanne
King, Ph.D. helps people, worldwide, properly identify
intimate partner violence. http://www.IsThisAbuse.com
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