A technique known to psychologists as thin slicing makes it
possible for the observer to draw conclusions about a
persons behaviour in a particular situation that would hold
true in a wide variety of situations.
For example a lot of large companies such as airlines and
banks invite potential employees to their premises for a
day. The potential employees are then observed as they take
part in a number of group exercises. This allows them to be
assessed for various character traits.
You can do something similar when you go on a date. A date
contains three elements that are present in long-term
relationships. Advertising the relationship to the
world-also known to psychologist's as tie signs, eating or
drinking together, reaching an agreement about the future.
People on a date often hold hands or have their arms around
each other's waists or shoulders. People out on a date
normally touch each other more than in other social
situations. There is also a lot of eye contact. People who
are on a date, out together socially or in family groups
stand or sit closer together than strangers. The term tie
signs is used by psychologists because holding hands,
sitting close together etc show that people are together
not just occupying the same space at the same time.
On most dates some elements of eating or drinking together
will take place. The only two human behaviours that are not
totally under conscious control are eating and sex. His
attitude to food could give you useful clues on his
attitude to sex as explained later.
Its good to to a restaurant on a first date as this will
give you an opportunity to talk with and observe your date.
Failing this a Tapa's bar or a wine bar serving snacks
could be a good alternative Places to avoid are anywhere
noisy or crowded where it will be difficult for you to talk
with and observe your date.
So what can you learn about a man on a date? You can gain
three important pieces of information, his attitude to
people, to money and to sex. Gaining this information in a
few hours from a relative stranger might sound like a tall
order. However it's perfectly possible when you keep your
eyes open and use the insights of psychology.
At the start of your date does arrive on time appropriately
dressed for the occasion? To keep you waiting or arrive
looking untidy is clearly a negative sign as it shows lack
of respect for you and people in general.
During the date don't focus on how he behaves towards you
but on how he behaves towards others, people who are not
important to him. He will obviously be pleasant to you, as
he wants to create a good impression. If he isn't he has
definitely disqualified himself from becoming your future
life partner. The way he behaves towards the waiter or taxi
driver shows the way he really feels about people and the
way he is likely to treat you in future if you do become
his life partner.
When it comes to ordering food ask him to recommend
something for you. Of course you can choose for yourself
but asking him to recommend something will give you an
insight into his character. Does he say have whatever you
like? Or suggest the most expensive thing on the menu? If
so he is saying" I want you to have a good time, you mean
more to me than money?Choosing the cheapest thing on the
menu is not a good sign. If he seems very indecisive its
important to be aware that people who are indecisive over
small things are indecisive over big ones too like choosing
a life partner.
Eating and sex are the two human activities, which are not
totally under conscious control. A sloppy eater is likely
to be sloppy in the bedroom. If your date has very precise
requirements when it comes to food such as he can only eat
his soup at a certain temperature. He would probably also
have very particular requirements when it comes to sex.
At the end of the meal observe how he deals with paying the
bill. Of course you don't always expect him to pay when you
are out together. Allowing him to do so on this occasion
can provide you with some useful information.
Does he check that the amount is correct then pay leaving a
reasonable but not excessive tip? Or barely glance at the
bill and leave an extravagant tip. Or analyse every item on
it before paying. The man who checks, pays and leaves a
reasonable tip has a balanced attitude towards money the
other two don't.
Finally at the end of the evening you'll make an agreement
about the future such as to meet again or be in touch by
phone or email. Future planning and negotiation are
something that life partners engage in. You are doing that
here in a small way.
Hopefully you will have had a great date and want to see
him again. If not be honest but tactful about it Either way
you are both winners. You'll know if he is life partner
materiel as far as you are concerned. If not you are both
free in hours to part on good terms and continue your
individual searches for a partner.
----------------------------------------------------
Eileen went from disaster to success in her relationships
by using th insights of psychology. Now qualified as a
psychologist she is passionate about helping other women do
the same. You can claim her six step " Love Magnet" ecourse
for just £77 before 30th April 2009. To claim yours
emal eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk Website
http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk
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