"Britain's Got Talent" We seem to love this show and are
only too eager to applaud its acts, the lady who plays two
flutes with her nostrils, the young rock star look alike
who sings opera and the great groups of street dancers to
name just a few.
We love to celebrate the talents and abilities of others
and yet many of us find it hard to acknowledge our own
talents and abilities. What's this got to do with dating?
According to a question I am frequently asked a great deal.
The question basically comes in this form " Why would
anyone want me as a life partner"? Or" What's attractive
about me"?
We are unique individuals and have unique tastes in
partners. In other words one person's ideal man or woman
could pass unnoticed by others. We can however generalise
to some extent. Both sexes like their partners to be
kind,intelligent and healthy looking as research has shown.
But back to you, there is a human tendency to overestimate
the skills, talents and capabilities of others whilst
underestimating our own. Clearly this can be a disadvantage
to us in many situations. It certainly does us no favours
in trying to get to know the opposite sex.
If we don't have the confidence to ask for or accept a
date, or even talk in a relaxed manner with members of the
opposite sex finding a partner is going to be an uphill
struggle. Here's a practical exercise that you can do right
now which will help.
Get yourself a stack of index cards from your local
stationers or supermarket. Choose a time when you will be
undisturbed for at least half an hour and settled down
somewhere comfortable with your cards. On each card you
will write something that you have accomplished. Start from
when you where in school and work your way through your
life up to the present moment. You'll record the things
that you feel pleased and proud of yourself for doing. For
example you may have won a prize for art, sport or music at
school. Were you the most popular girl or boy in your
class. You may have been good with animals or the person
your friends always confided in if they were upset.
As a teenager were you a great dancer? Did you support a
friend or relative through a difficult time? Take a part
time job to help with family expenses? Have a hobby that
you showed a particular talent for?
As an adult what have you achieved in your career? What
career related qualifications have you gained? Who did you
help along the way? After writing down your achievements
you'll have an impressive stack of cards. Your
accomplishments may be public like passing an exam or
private like helping a good friend or relative through an
illness. They can be large like gaining a promotion or
recognition in your field or small, taking care of your
sister's cats so that she can enjoy her holidays without
worrying about them.
Whether it's making great cakes, being good with machines
or always remembering people's birthdays it's an
accomplishment so add it to your cards. I have never
suggested this exercise to anyone who has not been amazed
by just how much they had achieved in their life to date.
On completing this exercise you'll see just how much you
have going for you. Most importantly so will others. Your
newfound confidence will come across when you meet them.
You'll find it easier to talk with the opposite sex
confidently and to ask for or accept a date. People who
value and appreciate themselves are valued and appreciated
by others, this leads to meeting new friends and potential
partners.
----------------------------------------------------
To learn more about having relaxed confidence with the
opposite sex see http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk
Eileen is a psychologist who turned around her own life in
the area of relationships using the insights of psychology.
She now helps others to do the same. You can email her at
eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk
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