I find the most asked about topic with guys is body
language. Nothing scares us more than knowing we are
communicating something but not knowing what it is. The
physical part of a woman's brain that interprets non-verbal
communication is 30% larger than the corresponding part in
a man's brain. Face it, if we are demonstrating insecurity
they see it.
In general I feel we worry too much about our body
language. Attempts to overtly correct it by thinking about
the way we move and the way we stand often makes it worse
because we become a caricature of ourselves. The insecurity
in our body language wont be gone, it just gets perceived
along with this stereotypical "alpha male" body language
that many other companies teach.
The best way to develop good body language is to increase
your confidence. When you stop caring what people think of
you and you stop trying to be something other than you,
that is when confidence will show through in your body
language.
Despite this there are things we do that projects
insecurity, neediness, or a strange vibe no matter how
confident we are.
1. Eye Contact
This is a big one. Insecurity is shown by not looking
someone directly in the eyes while you are talking. If you
spend the majority time speaking or listening while looking
anywhere else that is a big red flag.
Conversely if you are holding sustained eye contact
bordering on 3 seconds or more and it isn't leading up to
making out with her you are being too intense with your eye
contact. I have met more guys who make this mistake
"trying" to improve their eye contact than just about any
other mistake. Make good eye contact, look away for just a
brief second then return to their eyes.
2. The Handshake
So much is perceived in a handshake. If you are shaking a
woman's hand in a weak way, it does not come off as gentle.
Give a woman a firm handshake, it should be more firm than
she is grasping yours but not in any way bone-crunching,
save that for your buddies. Most men fall into being almost
too gentle with their handshakes.
The distance you hands meet in relation to where you are is
also a good indicator of your confidence. If you are
bending over and stretching out your hand well past the
halfway point you are demonstrating she has more value. If
you are not extending your hand far enough to the middle
you are demonstrating your insecurity and shyness.
Approach, stand tall and extend your hand half way between
you two. If there is another person to meet move your feet
not just your hand to bridge the distance.
3. Posture
Everyone in the theatre, film, and television industry has
known this for generations. The better your posture is the
more confident you will appear. I regularly get surprised
looks when I say my height, most assume I am much taller.
Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back. If you have
been going to the gym make sure you are stretching out your
pectorals after lifting and working on the reverse fly to
bring your shoulders back. A hunched forward weight lifter
is not what you want to become.
4. Body Facing
The angle at which you are facing is an indicator of many
things. Directly facing someone can be very intense, almost
confrontational. I tend to generally meet someone head on
then settle in to talking to them at about a ninety degree
angle. If they are facing more toward you at times in the
conversation when they are interested in what you say turn
toward them more. If they are more relaxed or in a sitting
position where they are facing out more at one hundred and
eighty degrees (shoulder to shoulder) then mirror that a
bit.
You don't have to be a slave to this, but if the person is
facing you and very into the conversation you shouldn't be
facing away from them and the opposite is true as well.
5. Being "Cool"
When I think of what is "Cool" I think of one of the guys
at the bar sitting along the wall just hoping if they act
cool enough someone might talk to them. Anyone I think is
actually a cool guy is not trying to be cool, they are
being warm and friendly.
If you take away all of the money and prestige who would
you rather hang out with, Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs or Owen
Wilson? Puff Daddy is quintessential cool, and I'm sure
he's a nice guy, but I would much rather hang out with a
fun, humorous, warm guy like Owen Wilson any day of the
week.
The cool factor comes from not needing any one woman's
attention. You are confident enough to get along with
anyone and be a warm friendly guy without coming off being
needy. So be warm, not "cool". Leave the body rocking, over
the shoulder introductions, and leaning away for the guys
who are trying to conceal their insecurities.
Strong, confident, assertive body language comes from
increasing your confidence. I have never seen a confident
man have bad body language, yet I have seen a lot of guys
coming off extremely creepy because of some advice they are
trying to follow. These 5 basics will get you on the right
track, the rest will take care of itself if you build the
life you want to be living as a confident, involved, social
man.
----------------------------------------------------
Geeky guy Dan McDonley has coached hundreds of guys how to
be a geek and still get the girl. If you want to
dramatically improve your dating life and not change your
geekness, get your free Geek dating tips ecourse and
discover 7 Mistakes YOU are making with WOMEN by going to
===> http://www.TheCharmingGeek.com
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