People say that the system doesn't work. What I see is
people not working the system to their advantage. This is
especially true for battered women in divorce court.
Now this doesn't mean that they are responsible for the
system failures, any more than they are responsible for
their perpetrator's battering behavior. What it means is
that there are so many things that can be done along the
way to build one's case and block divorce abuse.
Here are a few pointers to help you improve the way the
system works and the way you work the system...
1) Keep the Court Record Straight.
Now to some litigants this could mean hold the thought that
your attorney has a full copy of your court record. For
others it may mean that you yourself have a full copy of
your court record.
While you do want both of these to be the case, you also
want to make sure the facts in your court record reflect
the case you wish to put before the court. Make a point to
learn how to keep the court record straight.
2) Get Off the Defense.
Domestic violence survivors often live on the defense in
their divorce proceeding. It's the nature of the beast.
They're usually subjected to a methodical plan to discredit
them, so naturally they assume defensive strategies.
You are far better off not being in this position. Your job
is to learn how to flip the table. Get off the defense; be
proactive.
3) Know the Difference between Friend and Foe.
Now this sounds simple, but it is actually the hardest task
for battered women for a number of reasons. They want so
badly to believe in "rescue," that sometimes they look
right at the bully in manipulation mode and think knight in
shinning armor.
Then, other times, they look at an angel who has shown up
for them, with the grace of God, and they project distrust
and paranoia. (Some of these victims recognize themselves
in their reflexive and unfounded "prince-frog" dance.)
Abuse survivors have cut themselves off from their own
inner knowing and authentic intuition. It's one of the
survival/defense mechanisms cultivated in an abusive
relationship. And then when bombarded with stress, as in
divorce and custody litigation, they distort even more.
If you are a protective parent and battered spouse in
divorce court, it's time to learn how to work the system.
By doing so, you will increase the likelihood of a positive
outcome in your divorce.
----------------------------------------------------
For information about divorce abuse, visit
http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/legal_domestic_ab
use.php and claim your Free Instant Access to Survivor
Success eInsights. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
helps domestic abuse survivors prevent legal-psychiatric
abuse in divorce and custody cases nationwide. Copyright
2009 Jeanne King, Ph.D.
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