Approximately 60% of men and 40% of women have had an
affair during the lifetime of their relationship! This is
the shocking reality of our modern society.
If you discover your partner is having an affair you will
probably be devastated, especially if you thought you were
in a strong relationship. Your emotions will run high,
ranging from disbelief to anger.
There are steps you can take to work through the impact of
your partner's infidelity and betrayal, and to bring about
a satisfactory conclusion for you both.
1, Breathing Space
Both of you will need this time to think things through,
and you will need to recover from the shock. If you are
separated then you should avoid contact when emotions are
raw. Angry or pleading phone calls and emails will only
make matters worse. Give your partner time. It could be
days or a few weeks. Hopefully, they will realise how much
they are missing you and what they will lose if you
separate for good.
2, Initial Contact
Your initial contact with your partner should be by letter,
which gives you total control in what you write. Think
carefully about the content of this letter and acknowledge
that you must also take responsibility for why your partner
had an affair. Invite them to meet with you so that you
can have the opportunity to discuss what went wrong.
Choose a meeting place where you can talk without
distractions.
Preparation for the meeting is important. Think about what
you are going to wear and rehearse the key points you want
to get across to your partner at the meeting. Make a real
effort to show them what you can do to change and become a
new you. As difficult as it might be to stay calm, you
must, otherwise your partner will not want to talk through
why they had the affair. Don't make the meeting feel like
an interrogation. See this meeting as being the first of
several, so take your time and win over their trust and
confidence.
You will have to figure out when to ask your partner to
come back to you. It is unlikely to be at the first
meeting, but you need to gauge how well it has gone and
whether or not it is too early to ask them. Tell them you
are willing to work hard on the relationship and that you
are prepared to forgive them, and ask them to forgive you
too.
3, Forgiveness
If you want your partner back, then there has to be
genuine, heartfelt forgiveness. If the
marriage/relationship was good before the affair, then it
is worth saving. You may have children and so it is not
just what could be lost between you as a couple, but what
the break up would do to the family as a whole. But you
must both commit to making the relationship work as it can
be just as damaging for the children if you stay together
in an unsettled environment.
You can seek help from a family member or close friend who
you can trust. Look to someone who, you believe, will give
you sound advice. There is, of course, much information to
be found on the internet, and you can also seek
professional help from a marriage counsellor.
Fixing your relationship cannot be achieved overnight and
may take several years to rebuild. Communication is key,
with you both remembering how to talk to each other again.
With these 3 killer tips, hopefully, as I found from my own
personal experience, you will find the odds of getting your
partner back are going to be significantly improved.
----------------------------------------------------
Raymond Bork writes informative eBooks to help you through
relationship problems. Find out more on how you can fix
your relationship after an affair, with his popular free 6
part ecourse available at: =>
http://www.fixyour-relationship.com
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