The other day I called my youngest sister, Cassidy. She is
in 5th grade and easily the lowest maintenance, most
kind-hearted, 10-year-old girl I know. It broke my heart
when she answered the phone without her normal chipper
greeting. She told me it had been a hard day. When I asked
her why, she told me a story about these girls in her class
that have been teasing her since the beginning of the year.
That particular day was worse than ever because after they
mocked her, Cassidy laid her head on her school desk and
quietly sniffled to herself. The girls saw this, and
instead of feeling guilty, they followed her and announced,
"Now this is just pathetic; you're crying!" I was in
shock! Why are girls are so mean? These girls are not the
typical age stereotyped by the movie "Mean Girls," but
without doubt, these 5th grade girls have an edge to them
that is calculating and spiteful. According to Krista
Kent, a middle school counselor in Salt Lake City, Utah,
young girls are meaner now than they have ever been and
there are two main reasons for the bullying that exists
among females. The first reason is for status building or
popularity and the second is for defending one's territory.
Kent said the first signs of bullying begin in 3rd grade.
Girls are trying to establish themselves at this point as
the "popular" ones. The first evidences of gossip and
mockery begin around this age as girls try to build
themselves up by tearing others down. They usually pick on
the easy targets or the cute girls the bullies are jealous
of. Easy targets include girls that come from poor
families, are soft-spoken, less mature, or are socially
and/or physically awkward. Jealousy usually tends to be
based on appearance, other friendships, and perceived
popularity standing. This type of bullying to build
popularity lasts until the middle school years and then
emerges again for high school.
Once girls enter middle school, the motivation behind
bullying changes. Kent said of middle school girls, "Now
it's a territorial thing, mostly based on fear." If a
teenage girl has a crush on a boy and sees another girl
flirting with him, a territorial rush sets in and everyone
better watch out, Kent said. Bullying exists at this age
because females are concerned and scared they are going to
lose the status they worked so hard to establish. They
become territorial about boys mostly. Girls at this age
want so badly to impress the male population, something
that really never mattered much during the elementary
years. Self-esteem begins to suffer during this time
because females compare themselves to others. There are
many contributing factors that combine to make girls feel
they must defend themselves, and that is why they act so
tough and may bully others.
In high school, the girl drama definitely still exists, but
the motivation for making fun of others, gossiping and
bullying reverts back to the building of personal
popularity and status. Girls are not solely trying to
impress the boys anymore; now teenage girls feel pressure
to be the best girl, be surrounded by pretty girl friends,
and have a hot boyfriend on their arm. Girls tear other
girls down in front of their friends in order to increase
their social standing. It is not so much a territorial
thing, because they feel secure in the territory/social
group they are in, but now they want to be known as the
best girl in their "clique."
All in all, Kent believes bullying has gotten much worse
among females. It may not be catfights in the school
halls, but the backbiting, gossip and cyber bullying are at
all time highs. Even more unfortunate is that once girls
get into the habit of tearing others down, it is hard to
stop. But putting an end to bullying is possible; the
remedy is adopting a positive self-esteem that involves not
comparing oneself to others. Or, if all else fails, follow
the advice from my favorite childhood movie, Bambi, "If you
can't say anything' nice, don't say nothin' at all."
----------------------------------------------------
Courtney attends Utah State University and is a writer for
http://www.sweetlyyou.com where you can create unique
customized bath and body gift sets.
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