Is It Love Or Pride, Be Sure Before You Decide What To Do

Of course, your heart is broken when a relationship ends.
Getting "dumped" feels like a commentary on everything you
are, or ever hope to be. It is tempting to yearn for your
ex and hope for a second chance. However, before you read
the manual on how to recover your relationship with your
ex, give yourself a few moments to reconsider.

If you had a great relationship and he / she suddenly broke
it off, chances are you were being deceived. He / she had
some issue with you, or there wouldn't have been a reason
to part. If it is another person, or a "need for more
space", the excuse won't disappear just because you and he
/ she attempt to give your relationship a second chance.
Your ex will still have a wandering eye or a need for
"space".

Look at your relationship objectively. What was good about
it? Was the relationship actually good, or were you always
looking forward to a time when it might be. Did you enjoy
talking to each other? Did you share the same goals and
opinions? Do you really know what your ex thought, or do
you just think you know?

Sometimes, people aren't honest about what they're
thinking. They don't argue, or even offer an opinion.
They go along to get along until they feel they can change
the situation without investing a lot of thought and
energy. They allow a relationship to continue until
another one comes along so they don't have to spend any
time alone. For these folks, unsatisfactory company is
better than no company at all.

Other times, they want approval, and are afraid to say what
they think. These folks feel that their opinions might
meet with disagreement, and that someone else's opinion on
the subject is a condemnation of their own views. These
people won't tell you how they feel. They will listen to
what you say, verbally agree, and head for the hills as
soon as they can get away. An example of this behavior is
someone who goes to the same restaurant with you every
week, and finally announces that you always pick where to
eat. You had no idea that this person was harboring
resentment, but suddenly the results of their inability to
express themselves is entirely your fault.

Did you and she talk to each other about your real
thoughts? Were there signs that the break-up was coming?
Did he / she seem to be withholding something from you?
Did he / she seem to have other things to do during those
times you usually spent together? Is it your genuine
feeling that a relationship that was healthy and fulfilling
for both of you just ended, or are you feeling like a
failure because you are no longer a couple?

Being "dumped" always hurts. However, it is important to
realize that part of your pain may be the fact of being
rejected, rather than a feeling of having true love
suddenly withdrawn. Your ex may have done you a favor by
ending your partnership and forcing you to re-evaluate your
situation. You may be disappointed that things didn't work
out with your ex, but maybe your partnership was more habit
than genuine love. Separate yourself from the relationship
for awhile, and then ask yourself what you miss. Is it
your ex's personality and actions, or is it just the
security of feeling desirable because you had someone? If
you can look at your own feelings objectively, you may find
that you are better off without your ex, and that your
needs can better be met by another person. If you do that,
you will be better able to make choices that will enhance
your life, rather then settling for something that you're
just used to having.

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Lucille Uttermohlen's interest in relationship issues
springs from her 27 years as a family law attorney. For
articles on dating, unmarried partnerships, marriage and
divorce, visit Lucille at http://www.couple-or-not.com or
leave comments on her blog at
http://www.couple-or-not.com/blog

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