My husband and I lay cuddled together basking in our
retreat. Our view drew our breath away. Great mountains
rose up and just outside our window was an amazing
panoramic view of beautiful wild country. And in the
background I heard Billy Idol's song Start Again! And each
time I heard the words "start again" a shiver of excitement
ran through my veins like wildfire.
It was as if inspiration hit me like one of nature's
tornados. I knew in an instant, that even families with
troubles could start again with the rise of the morning
sun. I knew that despite problems, the gift of a new
morning meant that you could always start all over again,
maybe this time with new insight, with new help from God's
angels, or new help with a fresh attitude.
Then, just a short while later we watched on the television
a show called "Intervention" In this particular episode an
older gentleman addicted to heroin told his story. He had
two beautiful grown daughters, who talked with him on a
regular basis. He had an ex-wife who still held him dear,
but was extremely sorrowful of the situation. He had a
teenage son, who didn't ever know his father other than as
an addict. For ten long years this family suffered through
with the father's addiction. But one thing struck me like a
thunderbolt. In spite of the horrific problems associated
with the father's addiction, the family still spoke to
each other and in addition they still loved each other.
When a family falls apart, for whatever the reason, and it
seems like there can be a million of them. Whether it is
from rebellious teenagers to drugs or alcohol addiction, to
disloyalty, to having a child born with a handicap, to a
family member becoming disabled, to financial difficulty to
pregnant teens, to runaway teens, to a host of other
reasons, have the courage to keep talking. It can be so
difficult and the pain can bring you to your knees. My
husband and I have both been there. We have both felt the
pain. But never give up. And never stop talking.
According to the 2000 U. S. Census records more than 60% of
children are from divorced homes and 72% have a family
member struggling with addiction. So what does that make
the dysfunctional family? More common then we know. So now
do you see why it is so important to never stop talking to
family? Because during these times when families are so
vulnerable and there is so much hurt and blame to go
around, this is the critical time when families do tend to
stop talking to each other. This is when they tend to
break off into factions. For example, a child runs away,
grows up, and starts a new family, and doesn't talk to his
or her family at all. One year becomes many years. And so
the cycle continues. It can happen to any family. Sometimes
this pattern of not talking to family members can extend
for generations. Don't let it. Stop it in its tracks. Reach
out! The key to preventing it and healing it if it has
already happened is to talk. Communication and love is the
key.
If you are a parent reach out to your child. If you are a
child reach out to your parent. If you are a grandparent
reach out to both your children and grandchildren. If you
are a cousin, aunt or uncle reach out to your family
members. Sometimes harsh, mean, and nasty things are said
and so that is used as a reason not to talk or forgive a
family member. But the most healing thing you can do is
just talk.
Here is a way to start. I don't recommend email so much
because an email is easier to dismiss than a phone call.
You can't hear the raw emotion and hear the sincerity, and
feel the love like you can in a phone call or in person. In
my humble opinion, start with a phone call or face to face
visit. Say I just wanted to talk to you and let you know
that I am so sorry for the way things are. I want to start
talking again and to be a family again. I want to tell you
that I've missed you, and I'm sorry that we haven't talked
in so long.
You might face rejection at first. But don't give up on
family. All of us were born to a certain family for a
reason. Dysfunctional or not, think of it as a learning
curve. And the pain? That too. Because if we can pull
together as families the joy and happiness that will bring
can be boundless. If you live far away, use the phone. If
you live close by, invite for an extended family get
together. But just keep calling and inviting with love and
friendship and things will, with time, improve.
Here's the thing. When families break apart, at first you
might have more peace, and you will think, aw, things are
better now. More peaceful. And so both sides may let time
slip away without talking. But as time goes on, there will
always be a sore spot in your heart that doesn't ever go
away. It will fester and when you least expect it, it will
rise up. And pain will slam into you. And you will think,
Oh God! I thought that went away. And then you will have to
deal with the pain again and you will feel lost. So try,
try, try to reach out to your families and above all don't
give up.
With the dawn of a new day, start again!
Warmest wishes,
Susan Farmer
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http://thesweetinfo.com
Warmest wishes, Susan Farmer
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