Copyright (c) 2009 Vin DiCarlo
How does it feel walking past a homeless person?
If you said that you want to laugh, you're a jerk.
The interesting thing is, most of us don't feel sorry for
the bum, we just get depressed.
I know that for me, I actually feel a little sad. And if I
don't give him money, I feel a little guilty.
It's just a negative experience.
But the key is that pity is not much of a factor here.
Instead you want to get away as fast as you can to avoid
those negative feelings.
This is an extreme example, but it's that same neediness,
that same pathetic beggar energy that drives women away
from insecure losers.
We all have a little neediness in us. As a man, you WANT to
sleep with women. If you didn't, you'd be gay.
So wanting is ok, as long as you don't enter unhealthy
territory. Which you most likely ARE, because damn near
every guy does.
Hell, I still do occasionally. Especially if it's an Asian
woman with a huge rack.
But I won't be obvious. I may stare a little too long. No
harm done if she doesn't catch me.
But if she does, she'll sense a little of that pressure,
that "please gimme gimme" that you feel when you walk past
bums begging for money.
Here's how you know that you are acting needy around women.
They ignore you when you try to talk to them.
They whisper to their friends while they look at you.
They make creeped out faces when they see you looking at
them.
They give you one-word answers.
They won't give you their number.
They stop calling/texting you back.
They dump you.
They get a restraining order.
You are NAPPY if you have experienced any of the above,!
(wait, what?)
Let me explain.
There's a term in psychology, called "need for social
approval." It describes the mental process of needing
others to like you in order to feel a senses of well-being.
And it is indirectly related, i.e. it's the opposite of,
social, healthy, successful behavior.
In fact, the more need for social approval you have, the
less effective you'll be in pretty much every aspect of
your life, except for driving people away from you.
The layman's term is "insecurity." And it's "people
repellant."
But back to "nappy?"
Need for social approval is abbreviated with the term,
"nApp."
So, being the super creative guy I am, I'm just gonna start
calling students "nappy," when I sense that neediness is
holding them back.
Call yourself on it, the next time you feel that neediness
creeping in. This is actually a great inner-game technique.
Instead of berating yourself, see the humor in what you
did, and lightheartedly point out the folly in it.
Laugh it off. Recognize how silly it is to try to make a
stranger you JUST MET like you. Why would you?
You don't even know them! Maybe everything they like is
stuff you don't like. In that case, wouldn't them liking
you be a bad thing?
In all seriousness, the most common way guys telegraph
nappiness is in follow-up game.
You worked up the nerve to approach, you pushed through all
that conversation, you remembered to escalate, you got her
number.
She was SO HOT. You can't screw it up, especially after all
that work!
So you try to make a joke via text-message, so she won't
forget about you.
But it's too soon, and she doesn't get the joke. So you
wait, maybe 15 minutes. Maybe she was offended! Better call
and explain. So you call. And leaving a long voicemail.
And then you feel stupid and send another text apologizing
for the voicemail, justifying it by saying that you really
like her and didn't want to make her mad.
Enough!
Fix your follow up game. Don't let another number go to
waste.
----------------------------------------------------
Get any woman's phone number:
http://www.vindicarlo.com/get-girlfriend/ And create a type
of woman your friends go green with envy over, into your
loyal girlfriend: http//www.vindicarlo.com/body-language
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