Keep Your Temper And Your Relationship

Count To 10 before you react. Better yet, insure that your
next pay check won't be needed for bail by counting to 20
before you say or do anything you might regret. Hey, if
you let yourself cool down a bit before you respond to your
lover, your kids, your boss, or anyone else who has a
direct effect on your blood pressure, you might both be
able to avoid the Gray Bar Hotel and live longer.

What inspired me to write this article was a client who
came to see me this morning. I had represented her husband
in a domestic violence case earlier this year. She joined
me in begging the prosecutor to go easy on him. Today,
they have both been charged with domestic violence. The
police believe that she tried to hurt her step-daughter.

My former client had gone to the hospital and discovered
his man stuff wasn't in the best order. One of the things
the doctor thought could have been wrong was the
possibility of an "std". My former client went home at
about 2:30 a.m., and was most anxious to discuss his
medical predicament with my new client, his wife. She
insisted that she was not the supplier, and my former
client insisted that she was. He slammed out of the house,
and my client did the logical thing, rolled over and went
back to sleep.

The next day, my former client managed to remove all 3 of
the family cars from the house, leaving my current client
without transportation. She had a neighbor tour the city
with her to find him. When she did, he was determined to
make off with her car again. Not being a sissy, she jumped
right in the back seat. While she was doing it, my former
client was instructing his daughter, the driver, to "step
on it". They didn't get very far before the fight began.

Neither party had been unfaithful. The diagnosis the
husband got was apparently just "one of those things".
Both members of the couple, and the husband's 17 year old
daughter, ended up with bruises and sprains. There is a
"no contact" order against both of them now. They want to
reconcile, but they aren't supposed to talk to each other.
They now meet in the park, or in the woods so that the
police won't see them talk. You can go to jail for
violating a protective order, so they do have to be very
careful about getting caught.

Now, how would things have turned out if one of them had
counted to 20? Okay, the wife went right back to sleep,
and was counting sheep, if anything. But, suppose the
husband had had read his diagnosis and counted slowly
before consulting his wife. He might have read that his
symptoms indicated that he "might", but not necessarily
definitely have a sexually transmitted disease. He could
calmly have asked his wife if such a thing was possible,
and she equally calmly could have informed him that she had
not shared her favors with anyone while he was at work.
The husband might not have started drinking, and feeling
put upon. He wouldn't have asked his 17 year old daughter
to get up and help him hide the family's vehicles, the big
screen TV, and a few other items that have since been
returned to the home. He would not have had her drive him
in his less than sober condition. In fact, if they had
each kept their darn heads, neither of them would have
sampled the county's hospitality. Now they are both facing
felony criminal charges.

At the moment your anger peaks, you are not at your most
rational. You are most likely to say or do something you'll
regret if adrenalin is pumping through your veins, and
backing your intelligence into an insignificant corner of
your consciousness. If you let a little time elapse before
you act, you honestly won't feel so violent. If you are
really angry, take a walk. If you engage in brisk
exercise, your body will use that serge of energy for
something healthier than punching someone you love in the
nose, or describing their parentage in less than
complementary terms. You will be much more likely to end
up in the right if you don't get loud or violent in an
attempt to make your point. Even if you don't get your way
in the end, or you aren't any happier with the person than
you were in the first place, at least you won't have a cot
in the local lock-up while you wait for trial.

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Dear Abby beware! Lucille Uttermohlen will not only answer
your relationship questions, but will give you the legal
reasons for her advice! Join her at
http://www.couple-or-not.com or write to her at
lucille@couple-or-not.com or lucille@utter-law.com

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