Lack of "emotional safety" is the number one indicator of a
potentially dangerous relationship. It may seem subtle, yet
it is ever so significant with respect to your well-being.
When you have emotional safety, it's palatable. You can
feel it in every fiber of your being. When it's missing,
you may feel its loss. Or, you may simply know of it not
being there by the presence of these five glaring signs.
1) Not honoring your privacy
If something is in a drawer, it's in a drawer out from
public display. Someone having no business in that drawer
may be drawn to explore its contents. And further, this
uninvited explorer may take issue with what is discovered.
Beware of these signs of emotional abuse.
2) Not respecting your boundaries
If you say "no," will it be the end of a discussion or the
beginning of a negotiation? When "no" means "maybe" and
becomes a challenge to convert into a "yes," beware of
emotional abuse! You may be enticed to surrender your
initial preferences simply to divert the consequences of
your failure to comply.
3) Not appreciating your experience and/or your feelings
If your inner world is not noticed, or factored into
decisions involving both of you, beware of this
non-empathic partner. Your inner world may interest him or
her when, and only when, it serves their needs. Having an
interest in your experience merely because it's an
expression of you is not to be expected with an emotional
abuser.
4) Not being willing to have mutual involvement in your
interests
Mutual involvement doesn't mean equal time doing your
interests verses theirs. Rather, it is reciprocal
"interest" (or acceptance) in that which interests you. The
emotional abuser does not show an interest (or awareness
or understanding or involvement) in your interests because
these activities or things please you. Instead, he or she
shows an interest only as it serves him/her.
5) Not honoring you for who and what you are
Intentionally seeking to alter who and what you are to suit
one's own preferences, rather than accepting you as you
are, is the most glaring of these signs. (Be mindful of the
distinction between someone's efforts to alter you to suit
their needs verses offering constructive criticism to
contribute to your growth.) The emotional abuser will seek
to mold you to become who and what they desire.
While each one of these undermines emotional safety, in
combination they make it impossible. If you encounter this
cluster of signs, you are probably looking at an
emotionally abusive relationship. Seek to understand the
constellation of symptoms defining intimate partner abuse
before the emotional abuse spirals out of control.
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For more information about the signs of emotional abuse,
see Emotional Verbal Abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps
people recognize, end and heal from verbal emotional abuse.
http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/emotional_verbal_
abuse.php
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