Whoa, she is actually interesting besides being cute. I
think to myself if I could at least meet her, the thirty
dollars I have to peel off my credit card for joining will
actually be worth it.
That one profile got me hooked. I sit down and craft a
profile that I think describes me and I upload a variety of
pictures that I suppose represent me fairly well. I
excitedly send out a ton of emails to everyone I want to
meet in anticipation of some incredible dates.
Twenty unanswered emails later I cancel my account; I admit
defeat. I did not meet the woman that I was hoping to meet;
I did not even get one date. My first attempt at online
dating was an utter failure. I was disheartened checking an
empty email box day after day, wondering if my send button
was even working.
After months of experimenting I have more dates than I even
have time for and am meeting fascinating intelligent
beautiful women every week.
Success is all about putting your best face forward while
differentiating yourself from the crowd of faces.
Part 1 – Photos
A friend of mine once told me she made sure she put
pictures up that represented her in a variety of looks, so
that no one would be surprised when they met her. She
didn't want to put up only her best shots. While I applaud
her sense of honesty, people online have a "Next!"
mentality. Any little thing will cause someone to delete
your email or pass over your profile. Putting yourself
forward both good and bad is great in person, and in fact
makes you more attractive. Putting up your faults, or
non-flattering pictures online is a recipe for failure. The
idea is to get them to meet you, and then you have a chance
to find out who that person is and vice versa.
The most successful online daters are people with good
photos. If you are serious enough to try online dating, be
serious enough to go take some professional photos. Don't
do glamour shots, have the photographer take photos that
may be candid, or less posed. By having a professional do
it, the photos will be much more flattering. Black and
white close-ups are a very flattering shot to add among
your other photos as well.
Try adding some photos of you in your travels or doing
sports to show your active and adventurous side. These
should be flattering but usually are easier to take
yourself or pick from your photo collection because they
often aren't close-ups.
Part 2 – Profile
I am fun, optimistic, adventurous, down-to-earth, and love
life! Sounds like the perfect person doesn't it? Well then
there are millions of perfect people out there for you
because just about every profile online says this same
thing in different ways. There is a lot of advice out there
on writing a good profile but I want to give you a format
to write something actually interesting and different while
still presenting who you are.
Start with one of those character traits about you. Instead
of just saying you are that, give us an example with a
quick anecdote that shows it. Examples from my profile:
Adventurous:
I once told a jungle shaman to put two cats in his mouth; I
was a bit embarrassed when I realize what I had said in
Spanish.
Goofy:
I find that doing a John Travolta dance move in the middle
of a busy intersection doesn't attract as many strange
looks as I would have thought. No wonder I like a bad pun
so much, at least I get a groan.
Open Minded:
The strangest person I have ever given a hug to was the man
who did a handstand for hours upside down with his head on
the bottom of a corona bottle in Union Square last year. He
was standing up sharing with me his philosophy of the
upside down people in a right side up world, with me
appreciating the poetry of his slightly insane worldview.
"You are an individual, just like everyone else."
The key to making a profile is stop TELLING them who you
are, and instead SHOW them who you are with examples and
experiences. There are tons of adventurous people out
there. How do YOU manifest that?
Don't explain every detail. Leave some mystery; give them
something to ask you about. Make it easy for them to email
you with questions. There was nothing more frustrating to
me than finding a person I liked, then scouring the profile
just to figure out a question to ask them. "I am fun,
lively, and down to earth" leaves me with only the question
"How are you that way?" Unfortunately that is just a little
too big of a question for a first email.
Step 3 – Email
I wrote a lot of interesting, witty, funny, insulting,
bizarre, emails all in attempts to get responses. In the
end I found no one thing got me any more responses than
another. In fact the more witty, clever, and humorous I
tried to be the more I screwed it up. I made a lot of
discoveries throughout my online dating adventure. One is
that the email is a lot less important than the picture and
profile. Here are some other insights:
No one likes a form letter.
Actually read the profile for a quick question about
something they put in there.
Keep the questions in your first email short.
I hate close ended questions (yes or no) in real
conversations; they shut down conversation instead of
stimulate it. The interesting thing is that in an email no
one will reply with just a yes or no, and because the
question is short and quick it is easy to answer. Start
with a quick question like "When you were in Peru did you
make it to the Amazon?" They will answer more than a
one-word answer yet won't feel like they have to write a
book. If you ask "What was your experience like in Peru?"
they may just put your email on hold for when they have
more time to reply. Hopefully they find that time.
Keep all your emails short.
I like to ask a quick question then relate to it with a
very short experience or example of mine. Don't take up
more than a paragraph. Remember the longer the email the
more someone will feel like they have to write back to you.
Short emails get more response than long emails.
Build relationships in real life, not online or over the
phone.
The internet is a scary place. Many people recommend taking
your time to get to know someone before meeting them in
person. While I agree with that, the reality is most of the
time you will know in a couple emails or after a phone
call. Don't be afraid to move to coffee at a public coffee
shop after a few emails. In fact it can be a huge waste of
your time to build a relationship over email or phone. I
rarely meet someone who is the same in person as they are
online, over the phone, or in email. Sometimes that is a
good thing, other times I found I got too wrapped up liking
the person only to find that in person we had no chemistry.
I always tried for two or three emails from me then
suggesting we meet for coffee.
Put these online dating tips into action and start getting
better dates!
Be safe and don't take any of it too seriously. I found
that the people I was most excited to meet often didn't
measure up and often I was surprised that I liked some more
than I would have thought. However online dating is a
numbers game even more so than meeting people in real life.
Don't get too attached to getting a reply or date from any
one person. If you keep that in mind and realize that it
can be very empowering to have more dates than you have
time for, online dating can be a very rewarding experience.
You never know who you might just meet!
----------------------------------------------------
Dan McDonley is proud to be a GEEK who has Decoded Dating.
He has figured out how to successfully flirt and date while
still being a GEEK and he has taught hundreds of guys to do
the same.
-----------------------------------------------
Find out 7 Mistakes YOU are making with WOMEN by going to
=> http://www.TheCharmingGeek.com
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