When seeking a life partner most women start off with just
one possible life partner who is chosen by default. In
other words he is chosen because he has asked them out.
They then spend months or even years hoping that he will
become their life partner.
There is another and better way. You can greatly increase
your chances of finding a partner who is right for you by
using a system which I call the "dating funnel". What's
more you can greatly speed up the process. Here is how it
works. Picture a funnel or better still draw one on a piece
of paper. Related to dating the open end represents the
start of your search for a life partner. This involves
getting to know a number of potential life partners, males
you meet whilst socialising, at work, evening class etc.
You then narrow your search represented by the narrowing of
the funnel as it becomes clear that some possible partners
are not right for you. The funnel eventually narrows to a
very narrow point representing the final candidate best
suited to you. If you have ever selected a hairdresser,
gardener, builder or personal trainer this concept will be
familiar to you. You choose a number of possible people who
could supply what you need and then refine your choice.
You do this by talking to people who have already used
their services, taking up references and checking what
trade or professional organisations they belong to. When it
comes to a life partner it's a case of observing their
behaviour and applying the insights of psychology as I
teach my clients. What other people say can be relevant but
the most important insights will come from you. Using your
own judgement is important. You may be thinking " but
that's so unromantic". If so you probably feel this way
because it doesn't follow what we see in romantic films and
stories. That is eyes meeting across a crowded room leading
to romance, passion and everlasting love".
The truth is that " falling in love" as described above
often leads to bitter disappointment. That's why I
recommend, " walking into love". In this model you keep an
open mind as to whether or not this person is right for
you. You take the steps to commitment together walking hand
in hand. If he proves not to be the right person for you,
you are left with other options. That has to be better than
being left out on a limb after investing months or years in
a relationship not going where you want it to.
From dealing with my one to one clients I know that their
possible future partner's ideas of and hopes for the future
often do not dovetail with theirs. In extreme cases he has
no interest in being her life partner and has even said so.
Women in this situation often say "that their boyfriends
have difficulty in expressing themselves." None of my
clients have ever told me that a boyfriend who was saying "
you are beautiful", "I love you" or "I want to be with you
for ever" had difficulty in expressing himself.
We are all resistant to hearing things that we don't want
to hear. It is totally understandable that a woman who has
invested months or years in a relationship resists hearing
" It's not working out", " I need some space" or even " I
don't want to see you again". Learning to use the dating
funnel means that you never have to be in that position. Or
if you have been there in the past then you don't have to
again.
As you spend time with your possible future life partners
you will begin to see whose company you really enjoy. Who
shares your hopes and dreams for the future. You can do
this quite quickly, in one or two dates using the
principles of psychology.
When you are seeking a life partner time spent with someone
who does not want to be your partner or isn't right for you
is time wasted. You could be sharing this precious time
with your future life partner. The dating funnel is unisex.
It works for gentlemen too.
----------------------------------------------------
Psychologist Eileen Edwards is passionate about people
having happy relationships.
You can obtain her free Love Magnet report by emailing
eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk Website
http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk
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