"What should I say to her?" is the most common question I
get from clients. One option is to memorize a bunch of
pickup lines or routines. The problem is no matter how well
you do it she will notice when you shift from your
memorized material to natural conversation. Starting a
conversation naturally takes a little bit more practice and
an understanding of the social situation, but it will be
more effective for you in the long run.
There are two types of situations you should be aware of
before starting a conversation, implied social situations
and public situations. In implied social situations such as
a crowded bar, a party, or other group gatherings you don't
need an opener. People are there to be social and they are
aware of the possibility of someone new coming to talk to
them. If women weren't at least open to the possibility of
meeting and being approached by someone new they would go
to somewhere quieter with less people. In these situations
simply approach with a warm confident vibe and introduce
yourself. After that ask an open ended question and relate
to what she says or answer your own question to keep the
conversation going.
In public situations people are in their own heads. Having
a stranger talk to them is not that uncommon, however most
people avoid those with an agenda. There are lots of people
who might talk to you in public. Solicitors, panhandlers,
volunteer activists, lost tourists, and even someone asking
the time. We avoid conversation with people that have
strong agendas like someone trying to sell you something.
However it is normal if a casual conversation with a
stranger occurs spontaneously. Going up to introduce
yourself here would not work because of the obvious agenda
to hit on her. This is where a focus opener or a
presumption would be used. On a side note for ladies, you
can use a focus opener or presumption to start a
conversation with a guy in both situations and you won't
come off being too forward.
Focus Opener
The idea behind a focus opener is to start a conversation
in a way that is casual and doesn't have an apparent
agenda. Conversations spring up between strangers in public
all the time, it is usually started with a question or a
comment about the situation at hand. The secret to coming
up with a good conversation starter is to understand what
the other person is focused on and then ask them an
open-ended question about it.
Situation: Bookstore
Focus: Finding a book Focus
Opener: "You look like a well read person, what's a good
book you could recommend?"
Situation: Cooking Store
Focus: Thinking about cooking and cookware
Focus Opener: "What's on your list of must have cookware?
Situation: Coffee Shop Line
Focus: Thinking about what to order
Focus Opener: "I think it is time for me to try something
different, what are you ordering?"
Situation: Art Gallery
Focus: Thinking about a particular painting
Focus Opener: "What's your take on this one?"
Presumption Opener
This is one of my favorite openers because it is a casual
opener that jumps you right into a personal conversation.
With a focus opener you have to transition from a platonic
conversation about whatever you started with to a more
personal conversation about who she is.
A presumption is an open-ended question that presumes
something about her.
Situation: Bookstore
Focus: Looking at classic literature
Presumption: She is in university
Opener: "What University do you go to?"
Situation: Art supplies store
Focus: Buying art supplies
Presumption: She is an artist
Opener: "Where is your gallery?"
Situation: History Museum
Focus: Looking intently at an exhibit on military history
Presumption: She is in the military (Obviously false to be
funny)
Opener: "What war did you serve in?"
Presumptions have a really powerful ability to get you into
conversation whether the presumption is correct or not. In
fact it is often better to have a wrong presumption. Either
you can make it humorous like the last example or they will
feel like they have to correct you and explain. In general
people don't want someone to have an incorrect notion about
them and will feel compelled to correct it. For us that is
a good thing because whoever we are trying to engage in
conversation will say more for us to relate to. The
conversation almost starts itself if they are telling me,
"I actually don't have a gallery. I've just been painting
since high school because I enjoy it."
The most important thing about starting a new conversation
is to ask open-ended questions and answer the question
yourself if you get a very short response. If you ask
closed ended questions like "Is that a good book?" She may
just say "I don't know", hand you the book, and walk away.
If you do ask a good question and get a very short answer
then answer your own question and go back to her with a
smaller question.
Me: You look like a well read person, what's a good book
you could recommend?
Her: I don't know...
Me: Well I'll give you my quick recommendation then. One of
my personal favorites is Life of Pi. I just loved picturing
myself in the lifeboat with the tiger imagining if I could
outwit him each day just like the main character did. So
what is one good book you've read recently?
Her: Well the one I read recently was.......
Approaching and starting a conversation with woman can be
very nerve-wracking. You will never know exactly what to
say in every situation. Remember it is often not about what
you say, but how you handle yourself if you say the wrong
thing. Just keep going confidently and don't let it get to
you if you stumble over your words. Use the techniques we
went over and you will be starting conversations with new
women left and right. The first step to better dating
success is meeting more women. Get out there and enjoy the
adventure of approaching and meeting more women!
----------------------------------------------------
Geeky guy Dan McDonley has coached hundreds of guys how to
be a geek and still get the girl. If you want to
dramatically improve your dating life and not change your
geekness, get your free Geek dating tips ecourse and
discover 7 Mistakes YOU are making with WOMEN by going to
===> http://www.TheCharmingGeek.com
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