Most people in trying to solve a problem concentrate on the
problem rather than its solution. This is a mistake as this
way of thinking locks you into the problem making you feel
helpless and unable to deal with it.
In reality this is far from the case. Your unconscious mind
the 90% of the mind that we are not usually aware of has
great problem solving capabilities. Once you have the know
how you can use these at will.
Thinking of the problem rather than the solution cuts off
any help from your unconscious mind. It happens like this.
The smoker who wants to quit thinks "I must stop smoking"
but his unconscious mind can't process a negative so it
hears and acts upon the word "smoking". This causes him to
continue smoking and possibly to even smoke more.
How does this relate to dating, Karen thinks, "I wish Keith
and I weren't always arguing" The emphasise is on arguing
which is what she is concentrating on making it likely to
happen even more. What Karen needs to think of and mentally
picture is the situation that she actually wants, she and
Keith enjoying each other's company.
Once Karen does this its likely that over the next few
hours and days she will think of ways to make time spent
with Keith pleasant and argument free. She can help along
this process by writing down as many possible solutions as
she can think of to the problem of having arguments with
Keith.
The more she can be creative and think out of the box the
more likely she is to find a workable solution. It's
important to generate as many ideas as possible for two
reasons. 1/ Problems are often solved by using a
combination of ideas and techniques rather than just one.
2/ Once Karen has her ideas she will turn them into "action
steps" and act on them. If she comes up with only one or
two ideas to turn into action steps she may not act on any
of them, if she comes up with fifteen there is a good
chance that she will act on five. This way she increases
the likelihood of taking action to bring about a solution.
Once Karen has written down her whole list of potential
solutions she will examine each one in turn and decide
which one solution or combination of solutions is most
likely to work best for her. She will then turn her
solution into an action step or series of steps.
She will then begin to solve the problem. It's important to
start putting the plan into action now rather than waiting
until tomorrow or next week. By taking action Karen puts
herself in control of the situation. Although Karen can't
control Keith's behaviour she can control her responses to
it. By doing so she is able to move herself and Keith
forward to achieving the goal of enjoying each other's
company.
Karen will also be prepared to adapt her solution as the
situation unfolds. She will show self-reliance and
flexibility in the way that she deals with her relationship
problem. These qualities will almost certainly be rewarded.
Most importantly she will concentrate on the solution not
the problem.
----------------------------------------------------
To learn more about solving relationship problems visit
http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk Eileen is a psycholgist who
turned around her own relationship around by using the
insights of psychology. She is passionate about helping
other women do the same. You can email her and claim your
free " Love Magnet" report from eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk.
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