10 Mistakes that Men Do in Approaching Woman

The first 30 seconds: 10 mistakes almost every guy makes

As a veteran pickup coach, I've seen it all.

I've seen guys who were short, scrawny, and nerdy-looking
walk into a club and leave with the hottest girl in the
place.

I've seen good-looking, confident guys freeze up when I
told them to approach, and then hide from me the rest of
the night!

What I want to talk about today are the common mistakes I
see when guys approach women.

Those first thirty seconds of conversation with a woman are
crucial, and one mistake can ruin your chances of getting
anywhere with her.

Now not every approach is going to be perfect - give up on
trying to be perfect for there's NO approach will ever be.

One thing I always tell guys is that I'm not the most fancy
pickup artist, but I do the basics EXTREMELY well.

But what are these basics?

I know how confusing it can be when you read all the
material out there - from seminars, to books, to forum
posts...

Sometimes I think average guys have it easy because they
don't know how ignorant they are!

Guys who are trying to get better with women often suffer
from paralysis of analysis - they have TOO MUCH information.

This can lead to all sorts of problems - the main one being
that they don't take action.

I know how that feels, believe me.

I struggled for a long time with too much information.

And then I let it all go, and had to start my journey all
over again, learning completely on my own.

But you know what? I'm glad I did.

And now I feel it's not only a great way to make a living,
it's my RESPONSIBILITY to share what I've learned with guys
who are struggling in this arena.

So let me give you a rundown of the 10 most common mistakes
I see guys making when they first approach a woman - and
this isn't just students - this applies to regular guys I
observe when I go out.

1. He gives her a lame compliment

This is how most guys open - they say something typical,
generic, and overly-approving, like

"You're hot" or "you're so beautiful" or "you're the
hottest girl I've ever seen."

Now don't get me wrong, I like to be direct, and I like
giving women compliments.

But I make it specific, and I talk more about myself and
what I think, rather than "what she is."

For example, "that's some laugh you got there...I heard you
from across the bar."

2. He does her a favor, like buying her a drink

The most common thing guys do is offer to buy a woman a
drink.

The only time I'll do this is if I'm getting a round for my
buddies, and there's a woman I want to meet close by - I'll
get her one too.

This is fun, social, and is not too approval-seeking, since
I'm already spending money on my friends.

Guys will usually do some kind of favor for a woman, like
giving up their chair, or buying her a drink, taking a
picture of her.

I REFUSE to take pictures, unless I'm in them.

You don't want to be serving and appeasing her, EVER.
Especially in the first 30 seconds.

3. He approaches from a bad angle, or speaking too quietly

These two might seem different, but they are really
flip-sides of the same coing:

You are afraid of making your presence felt.

What kind of message do you think that sends to a woman?

The WRONG one - primarily that you lack self-esteem and you
probably suck in bed.

Walk right up to her and speak loudly - make her feel you!

4. He has bad eye contact

Some guys really struggle with eye contact, but it's one of
the main things women look for.

A man who can look her in the eye and not flinch is
essentially saying,

"I'm not afraid of you - I'm interested in you. I am
offering something wonderful to you, and I fully intend on
giving it to you if you want it."

5. He's drunk and sloppy

There's kind of a double standard here.

Women often get really drunk and sloppy when they go out.

But if a drunk guy approaches them, he's toaster strudel.

It just looks bad when a man is out of control of himself -
and that's the main purpose alcohol serves - to make you
lose self-control.

6. He doesn't own his space

This is a really subtle sticking but a LOT of guys have it.

When you stand or sit, you want to own your space, meaning
you don't want to confine your body to accommodate others.

Acquiescing to others physically is a sure-fire way to show
a woman that you are scared, weak, and insecure.

You don't have to sit with your arms spread out, or stand
like a military sergeant.

You should be physically comfortable, and not hold your
body in to accommodate other people - especially other guys.

7. He stalls out because he's trying to say the right thing

This is HUGE - the most common mistake guys make.

I harp on this in just about every newsletter, but I can't
say it enough...

Women are screening for one thing - are you trying to say
the right thing to GET something from her?

They can tell so easily, because it's the main thing they
are looking for.

And guess what - this focus does NOT serve you.

Not only does it make you look like you're trying to get
something (getting in bed) from her, it also stops your
mind from flowing.

Here's why.

You can't ever guess what another person is thinking.

So when you try to say the right thing, you're
second-guessing what that person wants to hear.

It's almost always impossible, and will only stump you.

Stop trying to be smooth and say the right thing!

8. He doesn't address her friends

A woman's friends take top priority, at first.

Woman usually have lots of very fickle, short-lived
friendships.

One second they'll declare "this is my GIRL! I LOVE her!"

The next day, it's "oh my god she's such a bitch, I'm over
it."

But in front of a guy she's just met, she has to put her
friends first.

And if you try to talk to her without at least
acknowledging her friends and being friendly to them,
you'll look anti-social, and uncalibrated.

The whole thing will be awkward, and her friends will most
likely drag her away.

9. He asks for her number too soon

A lot of times, guys will want to eject from the
conversation because they don't what else to talk about.

So they will just go for the number before it's really
appropriate.

I think of a phone number as a reward I GIVE TO HER.

If she impresses me, I'll decide that I like her enough to
give her a call.

But you have to give her time to impress you - at least get
her to express herself in some way that you can approve her
for.

Theres one more piece here...

Don't walk off right after she gives you her number - it
makes you look like a player.

Talk about something you could do together, or just shoot
the shit a little longer, then go back to your friends, or
leave the venue.

10. He doesn't touch her

What do you want with this woman?

A intimate relationship!

So move in that direction from the start.

I won't be taking too much here.

That's all for now, talk to you soon.

----------------------------------------------------
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