It's Not What You Speak, It's What You Don't Speak

I've spent most of my post-pubescent years wondering "what
do I say to girls?"

I think it's the question that preoccupies every guy's mind
when he thinks about women, besides sensual fantasies
obviously.

I'd see a girl, and think, "ooh, I'd like to do this and
this and this with her..."

But then came the next question:

"Ok, so if I go up to her, what the heck do I say?"

I've learned over the years that I'm the kind of guy thinks
about things WAY more than the average guy. I'm very
analytical, and I consider myself to be quite intelligent.

But like I said, for most of my life I was lost when it
came to women.

I recall planning to ask this girl to prom for a MONTH.
Literally writing out what to say, planning when and how
and where I'd approach her.

I'd go over scenario after imagined scenario in my head -
what if she says this? What if she's already going with
someone? Etc, etc...

When I finally decided, "today's the day, I gotta get it
done before she's taken," I had made such a big deal out of
it that I literally couldn't bring myself to do it.

I walked up to her locker, but at the last second, made a
sharp detour and walked away. I think she knew I was going
to say something to her too - she might have even known I
wanted to ask her to prom.

Oh well. Maybe it's for the best. We might have become high
school sweethearts, and I'd be married with three kids and
have a pot-belly, selling life insurance.

Who knows...but it all worked out for the best because I
can't complain one bit about my life.

I meet attractive women at will, and it's second-nature to
escalate in mating very quickly. I live a blessed life.

Not only do I have abundance in the mating department, but
I make a living TEACHING what I've learned. I get to do
what I'm truly passionate about.

When I began my journey years ago, I had no idea what was
ahead of me. The trials and tribulations of becoming a true
ladies man turned out to be more than I anticipated.

There was no looking back when I started on my path. I
wouldn't trade all that frustration and failure for
anything. It made me who I am today.

One thing I've come to learn is the question is not "what
to say" but "what NOT to say."

What men don't realize is that they are inherently
attractive in the respect that they are MEN. Just as a
woman is attractive to you BECAUSE she's a woman, you are
appealing to a woman for many different reasons - because
you are a man.

You can give her things she can't get on her own.

First and foremost is intimate pleasure, but also, there is
the feeling of understanding and emotional connection,
validation and appreciation, and even support and resources
if you so choose.

So a lot of your value - MOST of your value to a woman, is
unspoken and self-evident.

You don't have to say, "I'm a man. I am big, strong,
emotionally stable, and I have an urges that works."

It's pretty obvious.

There are other matter that aren't so visible, but let me
explain that.

Women make assumptions about men. They think they know how
we think. Women judges that all men just want to be in bed
with them, and that we are emotionally 'dead' or lack of
emotions. Not always, but these are predominant stereotypes
women have about men.

They also think that men want to impress them as a means of
gaining sensual access to their precious lady-parts.

And it's often true. This is how 99 percent of guys go
about getting with women.

But this mindset will only hold you back, except in those
rare occasions when you happen to meet a woman that likes
you enough and is extremely receptive for a new male
partner.

It's called, "getting lucky."

And that's no way to live your life.

When you got your job, did you rely on luck?

Or did you study in school, build your resume, and hone
your skills to perform a specific task?

I'm guessing the latter.

Luck exists, but it's not the best way to go about things -
you can take conscious control of your life.

Unfortunately, our culture tells men the opposite when it
comes to women and dating.

We are taught to impress women and rely on luck. Sure, you
should get an education, pay your bills, be a responsible
citizen, and make a good life for yourself financially.

But when it comes to women, you might as well be playing
craps.

At most, you should capture them with money and wit, and
hopefully they'll "let" you to sleep with them.

It's nauseating. And I'm not a cynical guy. But I see this
pattern play itself out over and over.

And it occurs to the great men, the men that are deserving
for most of it. Of course, the jerks, losers, and cocky
bastards get all the best girls.

And I honestly think that these women go for guys like that
because of a lack of options. The only guys out there that
are remotely dominant and do SOME stuff right are the
arrogant jerks.

Most of these guys simply don't try to impress women. They
feel that women should try to impress them!

They aren't saying the lame, approval-seeking garbage that
the average guy thinks he needs to say to attract women.
They just leave that crap out!

Think about your mental processes when you talk to women.
You are most likely frantically racking your brain for the
next cool or witty thing to say.

Bad, bad, bad.

I have a rule. If I'm about to do or say something that
comes from an approval-seeking focus, I will just shut up
and not do anything, until I can get my head together.

Which begs the question,

What should you focus on instead?

Well it depends on the context, and where you're at in the
interaction. But you should always be focusing in a way
that is dominant and leads to your true, full
self-expression.

----------------------------------------------------
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