For people who have been in family court battling domestic
abuse, it's no secret that the children are the real
causalities.
Typically, the perpetrator will use the legal system to
perpetuate domestic abuse upon the spouse he/she is
divorcing. And the children are, more often than not, the
convenient way in which to carry out the abuser's agenda to
maintain control over the family.
Accusations of parental alienation, whether real or not,
are often the maneuver that batterers use to separate
protective parents from their children. Funny thing though
is that what's being set in motion is a lifetime of
parental alienation by the abuser.
Children of Lies
Then, once the protective parent is walled out of their
children's lives, the children are given a convenient
"story" to explain their absence or restricted contact. As
is often the case for young children, they internalize
their loss of their parent's disappearance as being their
fault.
That's quite a burden for a child to bear, and often they
encounter serious psychological and emotional consequences.
In adolescence, they can spiral out of control. The
so-called "helpers" that are brought in to correct the
behavioral issues are led to believe that all of the
mishaps in the children's lives are because of the absence
of the missing parent.
This of course is relayed to the acting-out children as
well. So they grow to believe that their life problems all
stem from something the missing parent did or, shall we
say, didn't do.
Grown Children of Confusion
Now at some point, the day comes when they become young
adults and they can either hold to the family stories that
have been dished out along the way. Or, they can sort out
their own truths. Often it's something in-between.
Let's say they seek out the estranged parent, and all is
well between the two of them. The grown child then shares
this satisfaction with the alienating parent, and you're
back where you started—another round of parental
alienation later in life.
Why? Because, in order to insure that the earlier lies are
kept hidden, one must resurrect what keeps them undercover.
The child could be told, "Remember all the bad that came
into your life because of that missing parent." This being
a memory no young adult would want to rekindle then becomes
the cause to engage in round two of parental alienation.
I'm sure by now that you see how and why these children are
the true casualties of family court when domestic abuse
abounds before, during and after. If you are an estranged
parent, don't ever give up hope of having a healthy and
satisfying relationship with your child if he/she is a
causality of family court. Something or someone could cross
his/her path and inspire breaking the cycle of parental
alienation.
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For free information on healing parental alienation, see:
http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/v_healing_pas.htm
l . Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps adult children of domestic
abuse divorce reconnect with their estranged parent. 2009
Copyright Jeanne King, Ph.D.
http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com/psychological_hea
ling.php
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