Recovering From Infidelity, Moving On From The Pain And Humiliation

Whether or not you feel your marriage can recover from
infidelity, you need to concentrate on your own health. It
is far too easy to lose yourself in the grief and sadness
being cheated on can cause. It is easy to self medicate by
drinking or using drugs. It is easy to sit around feeling
depressed and angry. It is easy to lose faith in yourself,
and your ability to make wise companionship choices. Here
are some ideas that may help you make a healthy new start.

1. Remember, you are still free to make better choices in
the future. You may not trust your own judgment, but
consider this. We all learn things about ourselves by
making mistakes. If you let yourself love someone who is
challenged in the truth department, don't feel bad. If you
know someone who has never loved foolishly, you know
someone who has never loved enough. ." We all make
mistakes, and all we can do is live and learn from them.
If never being unlucky in love was the norm, the country
western singer would have little material to draw from.

2. Give yourself time. Being alone may not be exciting,
but it can be good for you. If you learn to enjoy your own
company, you will know yourself and your needs better next
time you look at a potential partner. If you can make
decisions about your attachments from a position of self
reliance and security, you'll be more likely to find
someone else who is looking for a solid partnership.
Trying to hook up with someone when you're in pain is not a
good idea. You are more likely to choose someone who
salves your ego, than someone who compliments your
strengths and weaknesses. When you hurt, you are more
likely to attract other people who are hurting.

A sympathetic ear is fine while you're seeking comfort, but
another needy person is not in a good position to give you
the strength you need. Remember, your ex was needy. If he
/ she didn't need an ego boost, he / she would have
attempted to work out the problems you had together, rather
than turn to someone else for solace. You don't want to be
the last one to know that your partner isn't strong enough
to enhance your life. You will be much happier if you can
force yourself to wait until you can assess potential
partners with clear eyes.

3. Find things to do that interest you. Join a club or
gym. Take up a new hobby. Write that novel you've been
thinking about. Buy paints and brushes and an easel and
see if there is an artist in you dying to get out. Learn
yoga, cooking or photography. In short, fill your mind
with new things so the old ones won't have as much space to
haunt you.

4. Think of the things that make you happy. Nobody can be
sad when they're petting a dog or cat. Kids can cheer you
up just by making you laugh. Make yourself a cup of tea
and sit outside and watch a sunset. Read a book or go on a
trip. If you treat yourself well, you will begin to feel
like you deserve respect and love from others. Remember,
the affair is proof of your ex's dishonesty and immaturity,
not a judgment of your worth. Don't let his / her bad
attitude effect how you treat yourself.

5. Join a church or synagog. I'm not suggesting that any
religion has the whole truth about spiritual matters.
Still, letting faith in something bigger than you into your
life can help you bear your burdens. Meeting people who
are seeking enlightenment and strength can give you the
direction you need now. It isn't so much the doctrine of a
given denomination that is important, as it is the love and
support you can get from people who are concerned about
spiritual matters.

Getting over infidelity in a marriage or partnership is
going to hurt. Like any loss life hands you, it will take
time to recover. You have a right to feel your pain, and
to experience your emotions. However, you also have a
right to enjoy your life, and to find lasting happiness.
The sooner you let yourself build new contacts and
interests, the sooner you will be able to recover your
peace of mind. Take your time. Remember, if you are
choosing from a position of vulnerability, you won't be
objective about what will make sense for you, and you are
more likely to find yourself with someone who doesn't meet
your needs in the long run.

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Lucille Uttermohlen's knowledge of relationship issues is a
result of her 27 year family law practice. For more legal
and practical information, join Lucille at her web site:
http://www.couple-or-not.com . Are you getting divorced?
Need tips on dating? Email Lucille at:
lucille@couple-or-not.com or lucille@utter-law.com

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