Dating For The Shy And Nervous

If you're shy, meeting another human, male or female, is
daunting. You feel like you should be saying something,
but what? How do you get a conversation started with
someone who knows the bricks in the wall better than he
knows you? What if he doesn't like you? What if he's
married or already has a girlfriend? You can "what if"
yourself right out of the desire to meet the guy, and
wonder if you've missed someone you could learn to love.
These tips should help you get over the initial hump.

There are many places available for people to meet each
other. There are things we do every day that put us
together with our fellow humans. The grocery store,
laundromat, libraries and churches all present
opportunities to meet new friends and lovers. Local civic
groups are always anxious to have new members. Volunteer
activities, such as working in a soup kitchen or at the
animal shelter are bound to yield new acquaintences with
similar interests. Let yourself relax and take your time
until you are comfortable in the setting, and move slowly.
Remember, you are looking for something lasting, not just
someone to be with you so you won't be alone.

Catch his eye and smile. That's all for lesson one. If he
smiled back, so much the better. However, you are trying
to become familiar at this point, and nothing more. You
just want him to recognize you the next time you see him.
You are truying to become less of a stranger to him.

Are you afraid you'll never see him again? There's no
guarantee that you will. However, it is more probable that
he lives or works close to where you saw him / her, and
you will have plenty of chances to meet again. If he's
just visiting relatives, you don't want to waste a lot of
thought on the situation. His only value to you now is in
your imagination, so you haven't lost anything. In short,
don't dedicate your energy to thinking just of him. Be
open to others, men and women. let yourself enjoy the
rest of the scenery. After all, the next guy who catches
your eye may even be better. If you make a point to make
new female friends, you will also have a greater pool of
male candidates to get to know.

If you've seen him / her around a couple of times, he / she
has seen you, too. Introduce yourself. "Hi, my name is
Gwyneth, maybe you've seen my movie?" or more like, "Hi, my
name is Sue. I see you here a lot, and I was curious about
who you are." If he doesn't reply, he's a loser you're
better off avoiding, or he is just as shy as you are. Look
at his face. Does his facial expression say, "I'm too sexy
for my shirt, and you dare talk to me?", or "Me? You're
talking to little old me? I'm flattered. I wish I knew
what to say." Most of the time, his response will be
something even harder to work with like, "Jeff" or "Sam",
and nothing else. Say "nice to meet you, and move on.
There's bound to be another chance. He knows who you are,
and every time you meet, you will seem less and less like a
stranger.

The next time you see him, say "Hi, Sam, (or whatever), and
ask a conversation starting question. "I like your mohawk,
did you get it from around here?" " "I'm thinking of
trying the garlic broiled lizard tails, have you ever had
them?" This should lead to a conversation, if not a case
of indigestion, and could get you better acquainted.

You may have to chance meeting a few times before having
the confidence to go further. However, if you see each
other a lot, and have had plenty of "getting acquainted"
kinds of conversations, you ought to be able to go to the
next step, which is "would you like to have a cup of
coffee? My treat. I hate to drink alone." Have a place
in mind that isn't too far from where you are. It is best
if this venue is within walking distance. In the same
building or store would be nice.

It is important for you to be able to leave quickly if
there is a good reason. Don't offer a ride or accept one
at this point. Sam, Bob or Pete is still an unknown
quantity, and unless you've had a lot of good reports from
mutual friends or your family members, you don't have any
guarantee that Tedd Bundy isn't hiding behind Bob's
pleasant exterior. Make sure someone knows where you are
going unless you can go to a coffee shop in the store or
close by. Never go anywhere with someone new, male or
female, where there are not plenty of people around. A
fully charged, easily accessable cell phone isn't a bad
idea, either.

Finally, if things don't work out with Elvis, there are
other fish in the market. Ha, and you thought I was going
to say "ocean". There are a lot of people in the world, and
until you've met all of them, you can't say no one else
would be able to meet your dream criteria. Just start over.
Catch someone's eye and smile.

----------------------------------------------------
Lucille has been an attorney for 27 years. Her practice is
mainly in family law, and the issues couples face every
day. For advice and information, visit Lucille at
http://www.couple-or-not.com If you have questions about
dating, unmarried partnerships, Marriage or Divrce, write
to me at lucille@utter-law.com or lucille@couple-or-not.com

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