Have you been watching "The Apprentice"? It's currently my
favourite T.V. programme. As a psychologist I find it
fascinating to watch how the personalities of the, would be
apprentices come to the fore.
Its particularly interesting to see how Sir Alan uses his
business knowledge together with his gut instinct to choose
his apprentice. Much of the choosing involves eliminating
would be candidates who he does not consider right for the
job.
That reminds me of a technique called the "dating funnel"
which I formulated as an effective means of choosing a life
partner. Its called the dating funnel because it works on
the principle of a funnel. The wide end at the top
represents your potential partners. Don't believe the
scarcity myth. There are lots of men out there who could be
compatible with you as a life partner.
By dating you find out who you get along with, whose
company you enjoy and who has similar views to you about
the lifestyle that he would like to live in the future. In
other words you find out whose needs and attitudes best
dovetail with yours. In looking for the man with whom you
will share your future you will meet men who may be a great
partner for someone else but not you. You'll simply say
this honestly but tactfully allowing you both to continue
the search for your ideal partner.
This stage is represented by the narrowing of the
funnel.Eventually you reach the narrowest part of the
funnel, which represents the point at which you find your
one ideal man. In your search you will meet some types of
men who are better avoided. This being so it's important
that you are able to recognise them.
They fall roughly into six categories as explained below.
The violent aggressive man . Violent men generally have a
short fuse. Tend to have a high opinion of themselves. They
may see slights were none are intended. They always have to
be "right" even over the smallest of issues that most of us
would not concern ourselves too much about. He may be fine
in his behaviour towards you at this stage. However this
won't last. You can get a preview of how he is likely to
behave towards you in the future by observing his dealings
with taxi drivers,waiters etc. My friend we will call her
Gail was dating a man for eighteen months with whom she
only ate out twice. Both occasions ended in him practically
having fistfights with waiters, which only her intervention
prevented. When their relationship ended I was not
surprised to hear that this was due to him becoming violent
towards her.
The addict The most important thing in an addict's life is
his addiction be it drink, drugs or gambling. Thoughts of
the addiction are present at some level of mind during
every waking moment. This person's life revolves around and
is dominated by his addiction. He doesn't have space in his
life for a relationship so for practical purposes he is
unavailable. If a man likes a drink or a bet of course this
does not necessarly mean that he is addicted. If however
someone can't make it through a single day without a
particular activity or substance then addiction is likely.
The bottomless pit-This man always has and seems to attract
problems. He handles money badly, loses jobs or quits after
a few weeks, seems unable to settle and get on with life.
He constantly needs your help often in the form of small or
large cash loans or your negotiating skills to get him out
of his current usually self inflicted set of problems. He
is not inclined to take responsibility for himself and
generally finds someone or something outside himself to
blame as the cause of his problems. You'll soon feel more
like his Mother than his lover if you get involved with
this man. However much help you give he is going to need
more. If you don't recognise this man within your first
couple of dates you certainly will within your first few
weeks together.
The chronically indecisive-This man has difficulty in
making the smallest of decisions such as what clothes to
wear, what to eat for lunch or which route to take to work.
Being in a relationship with a chronically indecisive man
is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, imagine trying to
make joint decisions with this man.Secondly, a man who has
difficulty in making decisions generally will also be
indecisive about his relationships.
The nail biter-Nail biting is a normal and not uncommon
behaviour in children. This may in adults be a sign of
inwardly directed aggression or simply a negative habit.
The person who is directing his aggression inwards has a
problem. This does not apply to all nail biters. However
its something that you need to be aware of as
passive/aggressive behaviour is difficult to live with.
Men who already have a partner-I don't mean by this someone
who is separated and in the process of divorcing. I am
refering here to men with current partrners. Someone who
already has a life partner can't be looking for one or if
he is he doing things in the wrong order. He needs to first
end his current relationship if he can't mend it, and then
look for a new partner. Men in this situation often
choose to socialise a long distance from their homes. This
in itself is not evidence that he is attached. However if
he also rarely contacts you, you meet only occasionally and
have little or no means of contacting him he probably is.
The above does not imply that we females are perfect. Or
that the men mentioned in the above categories may not
change particularly if they seek professional help. My aim
here is to point out the significance of certain behaviours
and what they may tell us regarding the future of a
relationship.
----------------------------------------------------
Eileen went from disaster to success in her relationships
by using the insights of psychology. Now qualified as a
psychologist she is passionate about helping other women to
do the same. You can claim her six step"Love Magnet"
ecourse for just £77 before 17th May 2009.Email
eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk Website
http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk
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