You can' t have anything until you define it. This applies
whether we are speaking about a new home, pair of shoes,
holiday or anything else that you care to name.
If you have any doubts about this try going to your nearest
Railway Station and asking for "a ticket to somewhere".
Even if you elaborate by saying "somewhere nice" or
"somewhere where I will be happy" you won't get very far.
Most women do this when it comes to finding their ideal
man. Many women have a vague,general idea that their Mr
Right is out there somewhere and one day they will meet.
That's not a very practical or effective way to go about
finding a life partner.
One of the reasons this occurs is due to the romantic myth
that unlike finding a job or a home a life partner will
somehow just appear in our lives. Women who wait passively
for this to happen wouldn't sit around hungry waiting for
food to appear. Or expect employers to beat a path to their
door if they were seeking work. I teach my clients a far
more practical and effective way to find a life partner.
It consists of four written exercises aimed at defining
your future and the man that you will share it with. I'll
share two of them here. Surprisingly many women in thinking
about life with their ideal man never actually define the
lifestyle that they will live. If someone wants to live a
lifestyle that's at odds with yours you are unlikely to
share a happy future.
To state the obvious your shared lifestyle should be a
blend of his lifestyle and yours. The women who don't think
about this usually end up living his lifestyle. You are
seeking a partnership not a hostile take over.
Step1- define your ideal future, where you will live, how
you will live, think of a typical day in the working week
and what you would be doing, how would you spend your
weekends, what sort of holidays and trips would you take.
Project your thoughts into the future mentally picturing
how life would evolve for you and your ideal man.
Step 2-describe your ideal man. The more accurately you can
do this the sooner he is likely to turn up in your life.
This won't happen by magic but by the following two
principles of psychology. Once you have a clear idea of the
man that you are looking for you will see and seize all
manner of opportunities to meet him. These opportunities
always existed you just were not aware of them.
Because the unconscious mind (the part of the mind that we
are unaware of in everyday life) is creative it tends to
bring into our lives whatever we think about on a regular
basis.
You're a unique individual and your description of your
ideal man will be unique too. What follows is a series of
headings to help you describe your future partner. They fit
broadly into three-categories physical, personality and
lifestyle. These are just to get you started. You really
need to ask and answer your own questions.
Physical-hair colour, eye colour, height, build.
Personality- personality types that attract are extremely
individual. We are all a blend of introvert and extrovert
and have many facets to our personalities. Note here the
personality traits that attract you. Interestingly in
conversations with my one to one clients the top
personality traits chosen have always been caring and kind
followed by intelligent.
The most important thing is that your needs and desires
dovetail so that you can enjoy a happy shared future. I am
speaking about a future in which you make joint decisions
and live the life that both of you want.
Some questions you might ask in the lifestyle section-
Occupation, income, type of home, car. His education,
achievements- for example-Law degree, owns and runs his own
garage, teaches special needs children
Who does he live with -his parents-alone-shared home with
friends? Does he have an ex-wife/partner/children? How does
he spend his time when not working? Does he have pets? What
are his passions, for example- save the whale-he would love
to travel into outer space? As you answer the questions are
you now aware of how your future partner is becoming more
real as you flesh out his description?
This is important for two reasons one what seem like small
annoyances at the beginning of a relationship can become
real problems months or years into the relationship. The
fact that your partner likes to play loud rock music whilst
you prefer something classical may initially seem
unimportant. When you have to wake up morning after morning
to what to you could sound like "a racket" it could be a
problem. Or as someone who enjoys good food and wine the
fact that your boyfriend prefers frozen hamburgers and
lager may at first seem a novelty. But would you want to go
on eating like this year after year or preparing separate
meals. The other really important point of defining your
future partner's lifestyle is that knowing it gives great
clues as to where you are likely to find him.
----------------------------------------------------
Want to learn more about finding your ideal man? See
Eileen's website http://www.eileenedwards.co.uk
Eileen is a psychologist who turned her life around in the
area of relationships by using the techniques of
psychology. Now she is passionate about helping women like
you to achieve the same great result. You can claim your
free Love Magnet report by emailing
eileen@eileenedwards.co.uk
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